he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
