I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
