porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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