if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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