you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize