All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
