Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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