my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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