your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
