Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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