I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize