need another drink. this is the easiest way
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
