Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
