I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
