i wish my penis had a tongue
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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