nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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