Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
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