I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize