I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
