Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
