Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
