ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
