And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
