I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
