my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
