I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
