Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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