He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
