you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
