Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
