We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
