Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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