Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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