I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
