remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
