I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
