alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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