Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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