I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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