When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
