He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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