I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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