and you said cock pushups were impossible
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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