You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
