2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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