I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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