Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
