The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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