I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
