Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
