Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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