Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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