Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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