Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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