if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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