If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
