I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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