Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
