So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
